I have been in Africa for almost three months now, and I wanted to update you on some of what God has been doing in my heart. This trip has been much different than I was expecting. After being away for over two years and wanting so badly to return to the place that captured my heart when I was fifteen years old, I have finally arrived here and have felt nothing but mixed emotions. The joy and passion that was once in my heart for this place and these people is no longer there.
Confused? You could say so. But God is doing something inside of me. He's been stretching me and teaching me. My relationship with the Lord has grown leaps and bounds from where I was when I left. My favorite time in being here has been the time when I'm immersed in the Word of God. Before, I had a huge passion for His people and unfortunately, a small passion for Him. In being here, God is becoming my priority, and my passion for Him is growing larger and larger everyday.
That being said God is slowly showing me that His plan for me is not here. My intentions for this trip was to seek a long term position doing ministry work here. God's intentions for this trip were much greater. God's intentions were to teach me things I never expected to learn.
He's taught me that ministry doesn't need to happen overseas, but that He can use me exactly where I'm at. He's taught me to stop seeking man's approval and start seeking His approval. He's taught me that being content doesn't rely on where I'm at but Who I'm serving. He's taught me that some people aren't cut out for long term missions in a third world county, and I'm one of those people. He's taught me that His plan will prevail no matter what my passions are. He's taught me that the harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few, including in America. He's taught me to seek Him with all my heart, and there I will find true joy. He's taught me that a relationship with Him requires effort on my part, and I haven't been doing my part. He's taught me that I can make an impact wherever I am, if I'm open and willing to let Him use me. He's taught me that my attitude sucks a lot of the time, and I really need to work on that. He's taught me that when I am living in the flesh, I am not happy. He's taught me that being a part of my church and community and having fellowship with other believers is something I've been lacking and really need to work on when I get home. He's taught me that a life in Him is the only life I want to live, because everything else is meaningless.
So my time in Africa is coming to a close. I have bought my plane ticket home and will be arriving the night of the 26. My time here has been stretching, life altering, and emotionally exhausting, but it's also been good, humbling, and an answer to prayer.
Now I'm faced with the question of what next? My answer: serve the Lord wholeheartedly; wherever I am, whoever I'm with, whatever I'm doing. Pursue Christ and everything else will fall into place.
