When I got back from Uganda this summer, one of the most common questions people asked me was, "Well now what?" To be honest with you I just wanted to yell at these people and say, "I just got back. You really think I know what I'm doing now. I'm still trying to process what just happened." Instead, I responded with, "I'm not too sure as of right now. Maybe nursing school." With no real intentions of going to nursing school. It was more of an excuse so people would be happy with the fact that I really am considering my future.
After hearing that question more times than I cared to, I started really taking it into consideration. I began asking myself and God, what now? Well, I could actually look into nursing school, realizing it would be very beneficial for my return to Uganda. I could apply for a long term internship in Uganda with organizations that I've grown to respect over the years. I could travel to Nepal with a buddy of mine and explore the possibilities of missions in other countries. And everytime I convinced myself that one of these would be an alright idea, I would suggest it to God, knowing that it really wasn't what he wanted for me, but still trying to make progress anyway.
At this point, I was sick of waiting for God to suggest something to me. According to my time clock, he was way past due and I was starting to get agitated.
Then I picked up a handy dandy devotional about women in the Bible the first woman I read about was Sarah. Her story humbled me.
Sarah waited NINETY years to have children! Can you imagine being told that you would give birth to a nation and still not see any results until you're ninety? But Sarah didn't want to wait on God so she took matters into her own hands and that's when everything went downhill.
You know, part of me doesn't blame her for doing what she did. The other part of me looks at her and thinks, how stupid, clearly God is faithful and will follow through on his promises. And yet, the other part of me is grateful for what she did and the example she is to me. God used her story, one that happened thousands of years ago, to impact me. How awesome is that?
And God didn't just remind me of it once. About a week later, I was driving to work, listening to K-Love (which I honestly don't listen to often) and guess who they were talking about? You guessed it, Sarah. One thing that was said about Sarah's story was, "When we take matters into our own hands, not trusting in God, we often end up with much more problems and grief." That hit hard.
God was slowly breaking down the walls I put up. Walls of control and an I can do it myself attitude. Walls that said, I don't need God. Walls that were clearly put up with the help of Satan. And God was knocking them down.
A few weeks later, I received an email with Psalm 37:7 on it. Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. Another reminder. I chuckled when I read this because I just find God so clever. He blows me away, but he was finished there. Two days later, I was on my way to work again, listening to K-Love again (once again, something I don't do often), and they read, Psalm 37:7 Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. WOW!
Alright God, I get it. But if you want to keep blowing me away with little reminders, I'm more than ok with that.
Time to be patient and wait. ~ Time to pray and listen. ~ Time to seek after you. ~ Time to put aside my selfish ways. ~ Time to follow your will for my life. ~ Time to surrender total control.
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